the first day of winter w ill be here friday even though it feels like its been here for a while now. unfortunately for me my hands and feet are pretty much always cold as ice. i don't  really like it, but then again who would. surprisingly i loved gym for about a week playing frisbee football, i loved my team simply because we all added something. i miss our team huddles haha but not gym sucks major with teaming with advanced gym. i'll probably be sore for a week just because of useless drills one day because i didn't get up to do them today :p haha. but yeah. so christmas will be here soon, and i'm really not excited. it's pretty hard coming from about fifthteen years of doing/having something the same way to it turning completely around. the past couple years have really been crappy, but i will continue to hope and try for things to get better.
so i see you in the halls everyday and since the beginning of the year you've noticed me twice but i do blame myself because before last year ended i should i did something but i didn't so now i just wonder and hope for things to happen again. its been over a year since i knew you and almost a year since i've liked you but i highly doubt that you would be able to see it

ps; art<3 is beautiful.

today was good
                     but yet it wasnt.

waking up early kind of makes me sad sometimes and i don't really know why like there is nothing to its really boring in the morning.
the one good thing about mornings i think it going for a ride somewhere cause mornings are calm like in a little town its kinda calming.
so i really hate periods alot like if we get periods why cant guys. i hope its over before school on monday which most likely wont happen
and then i'm gonna have to worry about bleeding through my clothes :[ i hate that sooo much with a passion. but my day was better than yesterday.
it didn't go exactly as planned but nothing ever really does went places and walked around i got this ginger halloween house thing that you make
and it was hilarious cause the black icing didn't work right and it was already ruined by the time i tried to use the orange icing which i should have used
so it ended up being a total mess. then after that was over my parents and i decided to go to this new store that is by my nan's house and its called shooting for the moon.
its like wicca and magic stuff like that. they have jewerly candles oils stuff like that. on the second floor they had tons of books. i ended up getting a worry stone some type of ring and a new all white tongue ring haha but yeah the guy that was working seemed really cool he has a lip ring and stuff. then we left and went to gay ass always packed walmart. but tomorrow i guess i'm actually going to visit a friend i haven't seen in a while probably having some boones farm.

so today i realized i talk to myself alot. but other people do to i imagine and i keep looking back to the past and i kind of miss it. sadly enough i don't think anyone really knows everything thats happened in my life besides my mom and me. not even my best friends know everything. but i guess they don't really need to. most people really don't know me at all. i mean the way i am in school isn't really all me. i remember this one day in eighth grade when this kid said to me "amber, whats wrong" and i said "what makes you think something is wrong?" and he said "cause your not smiling and you always are." and it made me think that he was right i usually do smile even though i'm not happy or in a good mood. so basically everyone always thought i was a happy person. but in reality i was not in anyway. i remember that some of my teachers would write in my yearbook and say i'll miss your smile or keep smiling. and i guess the reason why no one really knows anything about me is because they never wanted to. and i still feel like that just because of the way i look. no one gives me a chance and that really is disappointing but i guess i cant do anything about it.  i don't like the fact that my hands and feet are always cold.

i think i'm just gonna stop talking typing now and watch remember the titans which i think is a great movie. and i wonder if anyone even reads this.

this morning was pretty interesting. thats about it though.
later in the afternoon my mom wanted to go to a craft store and the dollar store to find a picture frame for my gay school picture.
also my period kinda made my day pretty sucky.
i hope tomorrow is a better day, the so called plans i have sound good to me. but that doesnt mean that they are gonna happen cause thats just how my mom is.
so in the mean time im just gonna watch these comdian guys on comedy contal.

ps; i miss i-Zone cameras!